Flight 293

[PapaDave]

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"

Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

[PapaDave]

One evening Sherlock Holmes was going along the street and suddenly saw a man down…

- It's certain, this gentleman is very tired after work… or he is dead drunk… or he is after being with a woman, … — reflected Holmes. As it's Sunday today, he can't be coming back from work… At such a late hour all shops are closed, and he couldn't buy alcohol. So he is coming back from a woman. But in this remote place there are only two women — Watson's wife and mine. Consequently, as I'm coming back from Watson's wife, …

- Watson, rascal, get up!!!

[PapaDave]

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!